Thursday, February 23, 2012

Be here, be present.

My sister told me the other day, 'so, you haven't been blogging much lately.'

I haven't, I haven't had the nerve to try and capture the months of change, the strange and evasive emotions that come from turning your life upside down again and going back to the start. I've been too paranoid about people reading this, when really - isn't that the whole point of a blog supposedly? Maybe it's been about the wrong people reading this, people that understand me from one point of view and are let in too easily here on this space to the quieter, more subdued me that doesn't write like she speaks. I don't write like a dance, like I drink, like I party or like I laugh - crazy, full-forced, a little over the top.

So where do I start, anyway? Change. Right, the change I keep talking about. From a purely outsiders perspective these are the basics - I've cut all my hair off and become a vegetarian. For those who've ever known me, be it half a year or 10, they'd know that I've had long hair since I was 14 and love eating a big juicy lamb shank or beef burger just as much as the next meat-and-seafood-loving carnivore.

What's changed? Can you really go away for a year and be the same? I guess you learn a lot of things when you have half a world of perspective. I've learned that I can live with a 10kg backpack and not much else, that I could live with a lot less. I've learned that you can't be disappointed when somebody lets you down when you expected them to fail. I've been shown how guys and girls can mistreat each other under the guise of love, yet proved first hand exactly the kind of honesty, respect, decency and lovin' that we deserve, that exists despite everything. I've learned I'm more bratty and proud and self-serving than I had ever thought and working on that isn't so bad.

The single greatest advice I ever got whilst I was in Spain was, 'In life, you have to be flexible.' It doesn't sound like a lot, it doesn't sound life-changing but it was. it is. I grew up to be the opinionated, black-and-white kind of person I have been. I went away and every single strong belief I ever had was washed away and built upon again, tested and rebuilt. It's not that your instincts or your ideals are wrong, it's just that you have to be open to the possibility that there's a big chance they might be.

So that's what I'm doing, being flexible. Cutting down the fluff in my life and simplifying it with all that new-found-perspective, from all that drops-of-jupiter soul-searching. Being here, being present and loving my First World Problems.

1 comment:

  1. great post! life is really about being open to possibilities because if you aren't you're gonna miss out on so many things and change is always a good thing. it's a fresh start, no matter how hard it is in the beginning.