Tuesday, December 4, 2012

"What the hell is water?"

Starting a public blog is kind of like a strip tease, you start off tentatively and unsure. Maybe nobody is even watching, you take this in confidence and begin to undress. You close your eyes and shake off the insecurity, who cares anyway? Bit by bit the clothing falls away somewhat unconsciously while your eyes remain shut. Somewhere between when you thought it would be a good idea and afterward when you're naked on stage and there's no time for any regret or self-possession to kick in, you feel dumb-struck by a dozen wandering eyes stuck on you. Fuck. Oh my.

A metaphorical strip tease, obviously. Because there really is nothing sexy about a blog. It's awkward and personal and most of the time an overshare. I write here because it's cathartic and it helps me air out the piles of messy brain explosions that occur on a day to day basis - while I'm sitting in traffic or eating granola for breakfast or clicking open a thousand tabs on my browser at 2am in the morning because I can't go to sleep. Does that ever happen to you?

And while I share my thoughts on my parents getting older, childhood friendships disappearing and new ones taking their place, on being young and all that that implies, on dissenting from the status quo or any number of otherwise standard thought processes, I don't share what helps me get through the day or what I'm looking at all day, or night. The links and the sites and the books and the documentaries, the recipes or obsessions or internet digging that turns up intellectually stimulating gold flecks amongst the heap of very distracting, colourful, yet largely meaningless, confetti. 

I'm going to do what everybody does but nobody asked anyone to do - let you inside my head. Just so you too, can share in the chaotic melt-down of that space between my ears.

Fittingly I'll leave you with one of my favourite graduation speeches, as I've finished university and await graduating myself. It's not inspirational, motivational or uplifting, nor will it fit on your wrist in cursive tattooed writing. It's challenging, long and somewhat bleak but like all those necessary truths it is terrible and real and will blow your mind, if you listen closely and let it all sink in.

The transcript to the entire speech is here.