“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
It's here, it's here, it's here! This morning I woke up in Sydney but tonight I'll be in Buenos Aires. The knots aren't twisting in my stomach but are somewhere in my chest wrestling with my better judgment and attempts to breathe. Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Change, both self-induced or brought on by external circumstances, is inevitable. Yet it still makes my heart race, still finds ways to conjure up doubts and anxieties and the really fast thoughts that race by screaming whatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoing...
And you see everything you love in a way that is more distinct, more obtuse than the everyday blur. Leaving makes you see so vividly what it is that is going to be left behind. Friends you cannot possibly believe you will survive without, family that you cannot possibly believe you will survive without, food and drinks and home comforts that you cannot possibly believe you will survive without.
But somehow, you will because you have before and you will again. It just takes some remembering. Like riding a bike. whyamileavingagain is an old question you ask afresh every time you round the gates at the airport and stand amongst strangers in a queue for other places and new ideas and the beginning of something you can't predict yet.
So here I am, saying goodbye for now. again. See you on the other side.